I Don't Forgive You or Your Ancestors
Yesterday we watched Botham Jean’s killer, Amber Guyger, be sentenced to a mere ten years in prison after walking into his home and then killing him while he sat on his couch eating ice cream. Then, to add insult to injury, pictures circulated of Jean’s brother and the Black judge embracing and comforting the woman who didn’t even bother to attempt CPR because it was an “accident” and she was “soooo sorry.”
Now there are tons of articles talking about the power of forgiveness. Forgiveness is nothing more than a tool of white supremacy to keep the oppressed bound. In the words of my co-worker, Nkenge – “Forgiveness is religious construct created and implemented to minimize the uprising of slaves and prisoners.” In more religious terms, Danyelle from Unfit Christian explains it as a dogmatic concept. “The instructions for forgiveness, as for Luke 17:3, require that repentance comes before forgiveness. However, the indoctrination of whitewashed Jesus upon or ancestors and we, their descendants depicts forgiveness as a docile turning of the other cheek.”
In my own words, fuck forgiveness. I don’t forgive you. I don’t forgive your ancestors. Forgiveness helps the oppressor sleep better at night. Forgiveness is why white supremacy continues to run rabid in this country. Black people are too forgiving. We’re too quick to coddle those who have harmed us for centuries because allegedly it’s supposed to make us feel better, or make us better people as if taking the moral high ground makes up for oppression. Newsflash: It doesn’t…
I call bullshit. You don’t deserve my forgiveness. I will no longer dishonor the memories of my ancestors by helping you sleep at night.
Forgiving white people for racist behavior further gatekeeps white supremacy and breeds apathy in our community. Forgiving white people doesn’t make me feel better. It honestly makes me feel tired. Sick and damn tired. Every time a white person apologizes for racist bullshit, I hear excerpts from one of Lady in Red’s “Sorry” monologue from Ntozake Shange’s For Colored Girls.
“One thing I don’t need is any more apologies I got sorry greetin’ me at my front door you can keep yours. …Talkin’ bout you sorry well, I will not call, I’m not goin’ to be nice, I will raise my voice, & scream & holler & break things & race the engine & tell all your secrets about yourself to your face
I’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry! you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna just dont give it to me! I can’t use another sorry next time you should admit you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/ & no count straight out insteada bein’ sorry alla the time enjoy bein’ YOURSELF”
I am sick and damn tired of hearing I’m sorry.
Sorry won’t help me figure out where exactly my ancestors were stolen.
Sorry won’t stop the fear I feel every time I see a police officer.
Sorry won’t make the anxiety of raising Black children in America any less stressful.
Sorry won’t stop the tears of white women from turning me into a villain when I’m actually the victim.
Sorry won’t help me build generational wealth for my children when I have six figures in student loan debt because my family started this race 200 years behind everyone else.
Fuck your sorry.
If you want to make yourself feel better, do some damn work to dismantle white supremacy. Provide the descendants of African slaves with reparations to help them catch up in this capitalist society.
Forgive our student loan debt.
Give our children blank checks to the colleges and universities of their choice.
Make room for me to have opportunities that don’t require me to fill racial, gender, and diversity quotas.
Allow Affirmative Action to actually benefit me instead of white women the most.
Help make homeownership a reality instead of a pipe dream for most Black folks. Advocate for fairness in lending so that I am not forced to pay higher interest rates on lower-value homes simply because I’m Black.
Create housing programs that do not require Black people to jump through hoops for a down payment on their home.
Dismantle the prison industrial complex that destroys Black families.
Do something… anything… except say sorry to me one more damn time because for the record I don’t forgive you or your ancestors.
