Today marks three years of marriage to Mr. S. I don’t usually talk a lot about marriage here for two reasons. It’s one part of my life I decided to keep relatively private when it comes to public blogging, and because three years of marriage does not make me an expert at all. But today when I posted the collage FB so politely made for me, one of my friends asked me to share three lessons I’ve learned that I feel make my marriage successful.
So, here are three things I’ve learned in three years of marriage:
1. Choose your battles wisely and be forgiving.
Let’s be honest living with someone for the rest of your life is not going to be easy no matter how much you love that person. So, I try to be very careful about what I choose to bring up for “debate.” If it’s something that probably won’t bother me in a week or two, then I just let it go or try too. If it’s something that I know will still be an issue a year from now if we don’t address, I bring it up. Once you’ve decided not to bring the issue up just let it go, I’m still working on this one.
This is a lesson I’ve really learned over the last year and is the hardest one for me. I did not grow up freely expressing my feelings, at least not out loud. So, I tend to hold things in and try to work them out on my own. This doesn’t work in a marriage or when you’re living with your partner. You are almost always around that person, so there’s no time to “work it out on your own,” plus you need to try and work it out together. You can’t expect your partner to be a mind reader, so speak up. This is seriously a lesson that is ongoing for me…
3. You are a TEAM.
No matter what issues you’re having in your marriage you should always be a united front in public. I’m not saying that you need to go overboard on the PDA or act like you’re the world’s greatest couple. I’m saying don’t let the wrong people know about your problems. Don’t let your child(ren) know that there is a rift. People will prey on that weakness and create even bigger wedges between the two of you. Yes, you need to be able to vent and talk to a friend, but make sure it’s someone who has your marriage’s best interest at heart. Someone who will not hold these things against your spouse and who will remind you of the vows you took.
What lessons have you learned in your marriage?