White supremacy and patriarchy cannot survive if all the participants leave. If we refuse to serve as gatekeepers, the system will inevitably fail.
What does it mean to serve as a gatekeeper? It does not mean you are a white supremacist. Being a gatekeeper means you serve as a protective barrier for those inside the system, in order to receive residual benefits.
You’re TSA at the airport.
You’re the slave driver keeping your fellow slaves in line.
You’re a white woman who protects whiteness at all costs because even if the patriarchy tries to remove your rights from you, there’s always your whiteness to fall back on in the meantime.
You’re a Black man who fights for equal rights often at the expense of Black women as long as your maleness means you can utilize your patriarchal power.
You’re a model minority who believes staying silent about the mistreatment of other minorities is none of your business because you’re able to maintain your proximity to whiteness.
Not sure if you are gatekeeping for white supremacy and/or patriarchy? Here are three ways most people serve as gatekeepers.
Engaging in Respectability Politics
I’ve talked about my past beliefs that being a “respectable negro” could save me from white supremacy and why I no longer subscribe to this belief system.
We do it every time we hold a Black business to a higher standard than a white one. When we tell our Black children they can’t wear hoodies or use African American Vernacular English, we teach them they must make themselves appealing to white society.
*whispers* None of this is going to matter to a white supremacist. You do remember they killed Dr. Martin Luther King Jr in a suit, and then went on to whitewash his legacy for their own “be a respectable Black person” agenda? Dr. Henry Louis Gates was arrested outside of his home after a neighbor called and said he was trying to break into his home. Yall, he’s a HARVARD scholar. He told the officers who he was and that his front door was jammed but do you think that stopped them from putting him in cuffs or his neighbors from calling the police?
Socializing Our Children With Toxic Masculinity
Every time we subscribe to the “boys will be boys” mantra, we gate-keep patriarchy by refusing to hold boys and men accountable for their actions. Every time we ask a woman what she was wearing when she was assaulted, we’re gatekeeping patriarchy. Every time we tell our sons not to cry or refuse to allow them to play with dolls, we’re indoctrinating them into toxic masculinity and gatekeeping patriarchy in a manner that says this is what it means to be a man. If you’ve found yourself up in arms about Target no longer separating “boy” and “girl” toys, you, my friend, are a gatekeeper for patriarchy. You’ve bought into the belief being a girl is less desirable and you don’t want your male-identified child to be mistaken for one.
When you teach your daughters that they must be quiet and polite because it’s more ladylike, you are gatekeeping patriarchy. If you find yourself shaming your daughter because she is wearing a short pair of shorts, you are gatekeeping patriarchy. When you expect your daughter to remain a virgin but purchase condoms for your son, you are … say it with me now… gatekeeping patriarchy.
Tone Policing Marginalized Folks When They Talk About Their Pain
Do you find yourself telling marginalized people they need to be careful with how they speak? Are you uncomfortable with the use of profanity during heated exchanges? Do you think women should be less emotional when we talk about our experiences in order to be seen as credible?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are tone-policing You are imposing arbitrary rules for discussing pain on a marginalized person. You’re telling them they will only be heard and acknowledged if they follow these rules outlined by *whispers* white men. And that is another form of gatekeeping white supremacy and patriarchy.
Let’s review shall we…
If you automatically believe what a white man says, but second-guess a Black woman’s experience, you’re a gatekeeper for white supremacy.
If you tell women that they need to wear clothes deemed as respectable in order to be taken seriously, you are a gatekeeper for patriarchy.
If you won’t let your son play with dolls or your daughter play with Hot Wheels, you are gatekeeping the next generation of patriarchy.
If you use your white partners’ privilege to attack someone who shares your skin color, you are a gatekeeper for white supremacy and patriarchy (depending on how your partner identifies).
If you raise your Black children to believe that they must work hard and follow the “rules,” in order to be worthy of respect, you are gatekeeping white supremacy.
It’s time for ALL of us to refuse to do the dirty work of white supremacy and patriarchy. Just say no to being a gatekeeper, and yes to tearing down the system.
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