Ain't No Feeling Like Being Free...
My WOTY Is FreeAint no feeling like being free
Im like an eagle set free
And finally Im looking out for me
Aint no feeling like being free
As I’m sure you can imagine, the end of 2019 was a rollercoaster ride for me. From being diagnosed with a chronic pain illness to finding out that my father was someone else. It made it so difficult for me to choose a word of the year for 2020. I almost didn’t want to choose a word after how being my whole self turned out. But I’ve been using a word of the year to ground me for a few years now and I didn’t want to give up that tradition.
I tried writing a list of random words and hoping something would resonate, and then one day in the shower the word free just came to me. I’m not sure what prompted it but the word came and then the lyrics to one of my favorite Destiny’s Child songs popped in my head. Yes, I know this song is about breaking up from a relationship and no I’m not leaving my husband.
But I am allowing myself to be free…
Free from what everyone else thinks of me and my life choices.
Free from the insecurities that I’ve allowed to hinder me.
Free from the fear of success.
Free from the fear of failure.
Free from shame that really wasn’t mine to carry.
In 2020, I’m going to be free to be my WHOLE self. Free to say yes to scary things but utilize boundaries and say no when I needed. I’ll be free to embrace my confidence in the work that I do without feeling like I need to hide my strengths in the future.
No more self sabotaging. I’m allowing myself to be free to finish all the projects that I’ve started and haven’t completed. I know that my fear of finishing those projects stems from being nervous that I’ll become “too successful.” I’ll finally finish my book proposal so that I can be free to accept a book deal that I know will change my life.
How can I raise free Black children when I won’t even allow myself to be free in the space I created? I’ll be free in this space by not forcing myself to only blog about social justice. That’s not why I started Mamademics and I don’t have to limit myself for other people’s comfort.
Do you have a word of the year? What is it?
