I’ll start by saying that in general graduate school can be a very isolating and lonely experience, especially when you’re an introvert. Some of this isolation is self imposed, but the rest is just a natural thing when you’re an academic. It is hard to socialize and participate in activities when you’re trying to be a freaking genius. Have you ever seen an English graduate class syllabus? Seriously, there is so much to learn and you don’t want to be the person in class who looks confused ALL the time. Although if you’re still taking classes at least you will still have weekly social sessions of some sort.
Last year this time I was preparing to take my final class for coursework… I was also in the first trimester of my pregnancy. As you can imagine, I could not wait to be finished with coursework. My brain was tired and my body was exhausted. I looked forward to the days when I would be studying for exams with no scheduled assignments or weekly classes. It was something I had been looking forward to all year, but that was before I was going to be a mommy.
Being a grad student mommy means I socialize with my classmates even less than I did in the past. I am only on campus two evenings a week and it’s just to teach. By the time I get there most of my classmates are gone. There are no more random procrastination sessions in my cramped shared office. Instead I am hoping that I can make it through the evening without lactating through my clothing… oh yea I experienced my first letdown while teaching last week… not a good feeling but I didn’t leak 🙂
Where was I? Oh yea, so I knew that as I prepared to take my comprehensive exams I would be a little more isolated than during coursework, but I never imagined it would be this isolating. I spend my days with the most amazing almost 6 month old and my evenings working alone. I can’t really talk on the phone because Baby S will inevitably make noise and demand my attention OR I’m too exhausted for more than quick text messages and FB conversations that can take place during nursing sessions. Plus, by the time I put him down for the evening I need to try and get some work done before going to bed myself. I want to see my old friends, but I just don’t know when that will happen. Most of the graduate mixers involve alcohol and I wasn’t a big drinker before, but I’m even less of a drinker now that I’m breastfeeding. The thought of having to pump and dump for any period of time does not appeal to me at all. Mr. S suggested that I call my friends and tell them I miss them and need some girl time, but honestly I don’t think anyone wants to hang with the new mommy who checks her phone every 5 seconds and can’t stay out longer than 4 or 5 hours before her breasts are engorged.
Yes, I know there are mommy groups and I’ve definitely looked into joining one, but I know that for the next two years my life will be different from theirs. Most of these mommies are full time SAHMs or WAHMs, but I have yet to find a group for those of us in the in between stage. I know there are undergraduates who balance their studies and having a baby, but where are the graduate student mommies? The two that I was close to before having Baby S have both moved out of the state 🙁 I know there has to be more of us, so why can’t I find them? Or am I the only one feeling lonely in this post-coursework new mommy world?
