To My Husband On Our Son's 4th Birthday
To My Husband,
Today we celebrate our son’s 4th birthday. Four years ago, you said you bore witness to a strength in me that you had never seen in any man. When I read those words, I felt so much pride. I was proud of myself for making it through a “natural” childbirth with no epidural. However, I know I would not have survived this experience without you.
The extra strength you saw in me that day came from you. Whenever I think back on those hours before Sesame’s birth, I think of you. I think of you rubbing my back as I bounced on the birthing ball. I think of you holding my hand through the contractions. I think of you helping me to the bathroom and never once cracking a joke about me needing help up.
I can still see the look of concern on your face when my blood pressure started to rise. I can hear you talking to the doctor about other medicinal options to help get me through the hard times. You were my voice when the pain became unbearable and I did not want to talk anymore. I will never forget the way your eyes locked into mine as you helped me focus on pushing.
When our son’s heart rate started to plummet, you calmly and lovingly told me that I could do it. Even though I’m sure you were scared, you didn’t show it. You were my strength when I felt like I had none left. The strength you witnessed in me that day was what happens when two people join forces.
I am forever grateful that you listened to my vision for our son’s birth. When I told you that I just wanted the two of us in the room, I know you were skeptical. However, choosing to trust only one another during the delivery helped strengthen our relationship. In the days after Sesame’s birth, your love and support helped me keep breastfeeding. When you saw me falling down the rabbit hole, you grabbed my hand and dragged me out. When post-partum hit me like a ton of bricks, you pulled them off one by one. You reminded me every single day that we were in this together.
During every dark moment in our marriage, I remind myself of this day and the days after. When I think that we’re falling apart, I reflect on how in sync we were that day and know that this too shall pass. When the days are long and the arguments are loud, I remember that I’ve shared the most vulnerable moment of my adult life with you. When it feels like we aren’t on the same page and like you don’t understand me at all, I remember you saying. “what part of the arena is this?” A phrase that seems so strange, but one that will forever remind me that even when you have no idea what I’m talking about you will still try. You will try to speak my language in the hardest times. You will hold my hand through every valley. You will be by my side every step of the way.
So, today is not only a celebration of our son’s birthday. It is a celebration of the day our love became invincible. The day we left the arena together as victors. Here’s to four years of a love like no other.
May the odds be ever in our favor,
Babydoll
