This post is inspired by my sister (in-law) who just had a beautiful baby girl on Monday morning.
One day old…
When I gave birth two years ago, I had the bulk of my visitors during visiting hours on the very first day. This was fine since I was one of those women who had the huge hormonal release after giving birth and bounced around like I hadn’t just pushed a human being out of my body. I personally invited close friends (family was already there) to come and see our bouncing baby boy. They of course came bearing gifts and not just balloons, but my Boppy pillow and FOOD for both me and Mr. S. I mean I hadn’t had a real hearty meal in like 36 hours, so I was starving. Everyone came in spurts and slowly as visiting hours came to a close I started to feel sleepy. I dozed off while Mr. S and the nurses handled Sesame. Our second day at the hospital was full of tests for the baby, pictures, and SLEEP! We had no visitors and I loved it because lets face it I had definitely started to crash.
Okay like I said my new niece was born on Monday and by Tuesday afternoon my sister was texting me that she was tired of visitors. She had already had SEVEN visitors before 1 pm on Tuesday and of course all the visitors including us the day before. So, I decided to write this post of dos and don’ts.
1. Do send messages of congratulations via text messages or emails. Do not call the parents will not have time to have long conversations with multiple people.
2. Do visit, but only when invited. Do NOT invite yourself to the hospital period.
3. Do come bearing gifts, but gifts for the parents (FOOD). DO NOT bring yet another onesie for the baby, unless you bring food too.
4. Do check in with the new mommy (and daddy) once they get home. Send words of encouragement via text/email/FB. DO NOT just drop by their home without an invitation.
5. If you must drop by, leave a basket of food at the door and ring the doorbell and run away. Do NOT expect the new parents to entertain you they are tired and learning.
6. Do come and look at the new baby (once invited). DO NOT hold and cuddle the baby close to your germ exposed clothing ask for a blanket.
7. Do check in on the new mommy once daddy is back to work and grandma has gone home. Bring her FOOD and hold the baby, so she can sleep. DO NOT try to have a long conversation with her. Just let her sleep knowing there’s another ear to hear the little one.
8. Do still check in on the new mommy (and daddy) as the child gets older. DO NOT just disappear from their life because the newness of the baby wore off.
9. Do be understanding when mommy (and daddy) forget to respond to your messages. Do not get huffy and decide you’re no longer friends.
10. Do still invite them to social events (with enough time to find a baby sitter). Do not be offended if they have to cancel last minute.
Since I’m a bit of an introvert and hermit, I didn’t experience all of these scenarios. People who are really close to me already knew the deal, but I’ve heard many complaints from my social mommy friends.
As a new mom, the words of encouragement from other mommy friends really got me through those early weeks. Every time someone offered to just bring me lunch it made me genuinely happy, in exchange for a glimpse of the baby of course. When I had mastitis for the first time and my very new friend (our husbands were friends) came by with food, liquids, and fever reducers; and just held Sesame while I slept I felt so loved. I tried to stay awake and talk to her, but she just told me to go to sleep already lol. When my sister (in-law) told me to call her the next time I had a chance to wash my hair, so she could come by and straighten it for me, I felt loved. Or all the times she came by on her lunch break to bring me food and let me shower…
So, for the love of whatever deity you believe in DO NOT overwhelm your already overwhelmed friends. Give them some space. Take them some food. Still be their friend when they come up for air.
