Dear Baby S:
Six months ago today you were born. The moment you were placed in my arms I felt an unbelievable amount of love. I always heard mothers say those things, but I really thought they were being dramatic and then I held you. I finally got to see the tiny human who gave me indigestion and heartburn. The small person who kicked me all day and night. I thought I loved you when I heard your heartbeat for the first time, but seeing and holding you intensified my love for you ten-fold.
I’ll admit that initially I was scared. I spent a lot of my pregnancy worrying if I would be a good mom. If you would love me like they said you would. That fear disappeared the first moment I saw you, but then it was time to go home. I still can’t believe that less than 48 hours after you were born they sent us on our way. The instructions they gave were brief… I’ve gotten more guidance when buying a new cell phone. I told myself that we needed to just keep you alive until your first doctor’s visit… surely there would be more instructions at that point. Sadly, I was wrong. Instead they asked us tons of questions and told us we did a good job of charting your diapers and meals. We were told to feed you more and bring you back the next day for a weight check. I remember thinking… that’s it? You’re not going to tell me what all the different cries mean and how to tell the difference? Or what in the world are we going to do once his grandparents leave? And what the heck will I do when Mr. S goes back to work? I’m just supposed to figure this out on my own…
I did figure it out, but not on my own your dad helped and you have been the biggest help. The last six months have been filled with lots of learning for both of us. I learned that while breastfeeding is natural it doesn’t always come naturally, and you learned how to properly latch. I learned what your cries meant and you learned that just because you can’t see mommy doesn’t mean she isn’t there. I learned how to safely co-sleep, so we could all get some rest. You learned that it’s okay to sleep alone sometimes. I learned to let you fuss a little during tummy time even though you looked/sounded so sad. You learned to hold your head high, roll over, and you can even push up on your hands and knees to scoot. I think you’ll learn to crawl very soon.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned so far is to stop and enjoy the moment. It’s easy as a grown up to go through life like the Energizer bunny in an effort to get things done, but that’s also an easy way to miss important moments. I’ve been able to catch so many of your “first” moments just because I stopped to watch. I can’t wait until you’re older and I can show you all the videos of you learning new things.
Thank you for six months of morning cuddles, amazing smiles, and unconditional love.