“Dream your dreams with open eyes and make them come true” ~T.E. Lawrence
The quote above came from my MomAgenda planner on February 6th. I didn’t see the quote until today when I was going through my planner for the next few days, but oh how I wish I had looked. Yesterday I met with my two advisers for my comprehensive exams to discuss my preparation process and questions for the exams. Prior to meeting with them I had been very anxious because I have two huge reading lists that I don’t feel like I’ve made a big enough dent in yet. Plus, if you follow the FB page you know that I had a HORRIBLE week dealing with a very congested, teething, and non-sleeping tiny human last week. I was/am exhausted to say the least.
So, I sat down with them sleep-deprived and anxious only to find out that once again I am over dramaticizing the situation. While feeling like you’ll fail is totally normal at this stage, I thought the exam requirements were double the amount of work and that I was no where near prepared. Clearly, I underestimate myself because I am most certainly prepared and they were very pleased with the potential questions I provided. We spent an hour or so talking about changes in wording and sources I should look into to further my ideas.
At some point during the meeting my age came up when we were discussing how young I was when I first started here as a Master’s student. One of my advisers asked me if I was even thirty yet. I’m not… but I will be soon. I told her that all I really want for my birthday at this point is to be ABD because I have everything else. I didn’t think it was possible after having taken more time off this summer than planned, but once again I’m complicating things lol. I may not be ABD by my actual birthday, but it will be shortly after and I will indeed finish the doctoral program by the end of 2014 and if things go according to plan before my thirty-first birthday.
Why is this so significant? A few years ago when I started the program, I said I wanted to be married, have a baby (or be pregnant), and ABD by my thirtieth birthday. At the time, things were really rocky in my relationship with Mr. S and I didn’t really see marriage or children in our future. I was worried that I would end up having all this success and no one to share it with. Fast forward to 2011-12 and I thought my educational goals would be on the back burner for a while because I was pregnant earlier than expected. Boy, was I wrong! I am still meeting all the goals I set for myself before having Sesame and the best part is I have him and Mr. S to share it with everyday.
I left the meeting on a high of sorts… I couldn’t stop smiling. It feels good to know that even though I am indeed sacrificing some aspects of my career for my family I still have it all. I have a husband and healthy son to come home to every night, and I’m still able to finish a huge goal. I still can’t believe that when we get ready to register Sesame for preschool and I feel out title it’ll say “Dr.” not “Mrs.”
I know that having it all is different for everyone. What does it mean to you? Do you feel like you’re living the life you’ve always wanted?